Hiccups Have No Cure...
by Amethyst Tellemand
Summary: (My first fic posted. I'm writing this out of boredom, so it may not be that good.) duo gets the hiccups in the middle of the night that he can't get rid of ! It may take more than a glass of water to extinguish them... PG for swearing.
1. Chapter 1- The long night starts

Hiccups Have No Cure… **__**

Hiccups Have No Cure…

By: Amythest Tellemand

Disclaimer: Well, you know the usual disclaimers so they won't be sued… "I don't own_______ so don't sue me" kind of stuff. So, why repeat? Because I want to…

I don't own Gundam Wing or its characters. 

***

It was late at night when the incident happened, not giving much warning. Duo Maxwell, your average 15 year-old terrorist, was about to turn in for the night. It was a Friday, and he was staying at his friend Quatre's mansion, along with his other "friends", Heero, Trowa, and Wufei. So, after listening to music while reading manga and magazines until 1 o'clock in the morning, he decided it was late enough. 

Yawning, Duo slipped on a gray tank top before plopping down on the bed face first. For some reason, he was tired. Dead tired. Which startled him at first, because the usual complaints from Heero were how he could stay up all night, blasting heavy metal music from his portable CD stereo. _Oh, well, _Duo thought, _I've stayed up late enough too many times. I can get some sleep for once…_

He turned over to look at the white ceiling before yawning again. What puzzled him, though, was how the yawn came out. It wasn't a normal one, it was more of a long hiccup. 

"Damn it," Duo cursed, turning over to face the small wooden nightstand and reaching out to find a glass of water. But one wasn't there. His hand moved around the empty space, knocking over his Walkman and several empty Coke cans.

"Ah, h-*hic*-ell." Getting up again, he staggered to the door sleepily and opened it, stepping out and heading down the long hallway. As he traveled to the kitchen, his hiccups echoed throughout the area, amplifying the sound to be louder than it should have been.

The first person to be irritated at this was Heero. He opened the guestroom door abruptly, glancing down the hall. As soon as he recognized who it was, he sighed irritably. "Duo, what are you doing? It's almost two in the morning."

"Getting a--*hic!*--glass of water," Duo replied, stopping for a moment to face him. "By the--*hic*--- way, do you know where Quatre is? I don't know where---*hic*--- the kitchen is…"

Heero pointed him in the direction of the library, then slammed his door shut.

When Duo finally got to the library, the hiccups had grown faster. Duo quietly opened the door to see Quatre sitting at a desk, his face obscured by a book. The door made a creak, though, and Quatre looked up. "Duo? What's wrong? I didn't think you liked reading…"

Duo smiled. "Sorry to---*hic*---bother ya, Quatre, but---*hic*--- I have the--- *hic*---….the---*hic!*---the hic---*hic*…"

Quatre tilted his head and made a face. "That's a bad case of the hiccups. Here, I'll get a glass of water, and then you can tell me later." With that, Quatre got up from his desk and walked out of the library, leaving Duo behind.

While he was gone, Duo looked around the library for a medical book. He knew it would take a lot more than a glass of water to cure _his_ hiccups….

***

"Here," Quatre handed Duo the glass of water, which Duo immediately took and gulped down its contents, waiting a moment to hold his breath before swallowing. 

There was silence for a minute. "…Well?" Quatre piped up, "did it work?"

"………*hic*…nope," Duo said, "No---*hic*---luck."

Quatre sighed and started mumbling. "Hiccup remedies…hmm…I think I have a few…"

"What?" Duo questioned, getting easily irritated by the hiccups now.

Quatre's lips pursed. "There's holding your breath, sipping a teaspoon of vinegar…ginger tea with honey always works for me."

Duo quietly gagged. Drinking vinegar? What would _that_ do to help?

Behind them, the library door opened, and Heero's head popped up. "Quatre? Can you help find info on…" he then spied Duo. "…oh. It's you again."

Duo ran up to him. "He---*hic*---ero, do you know---*hic*---any cures for the---*hic*---the…---*hic!*---the…"

"The hiccups?" Heero finished.

Duo nodded.

Heero was silent for a minute. "A few, but I don't think you'll like all of them." He walked out the door to the kitchen across the hall, with the two other Gundam pilots following behind.

Heero immediately dove into the fridge and started pulling out drawers, with a curious braided boy looking over his shoulder to see if he was actually getting rat poison.

Finally, he looked up again, and handed Duo a lemon. "Here."

Duo stared at it. "…They're---*hic* lemons…"

Heero nodded. "Exactly. Just take a bite out of one as you would an orange."

Duo hesitantly started to peel off the outer skin. Maybe it wouldn't be as bad as he thought. He took a bite of the fruit, smashed it in his mouth and….*ACK!!*

…He nearly spat out all of it. Now he was coughing and hacking so hard he could barely see, which was a bad thing because he then knocked into the counter, sending pots and pans hanging overhead down. 'CRASH!!!'

Quatre rushed over to the still sputtering Shinigami. "Are you okay, Duo?"

Duo quickly regained his composure. "…Y-yeah… I'm okay… hey, I think it----*hic*---nope, never mind."

Everyone sighed at once. 

***

Authors note: Okay, I know, it's a bad chapter and it starts out slow. But, I'm hoping it will catch on soon and I'll be able to write more. Until then, Ja ne! ^_^


	2. Chapter 2- More *hic*...hicc---*hic*.......

Hiccups Have No Cure… ****

Hiccups Have No Cure…

__

Chapter *2*

Disclaimer: Well, if you read the first chapter, you would know by now that I don't own Gundam Wing. _SO QUIT CALLING ME!!!_

***

Duo growled and held his mouth shut as he held an ice pack to his head where a pot had conveniently thought his forehead was a nice place to fall. "So---*hic*--- _now _what do I ---*hic!* do?"

Quatre sighed. "I _still_ think that ginger tea would work." Duo replied by making a disgusted face as a way to say no. He shook his head, "Well, what do _you_ propose as an idea?"

Heero was leaning against the fireplace, his head looking towards the ground. It was three a.m., Duo was up with the hiccups and disrupting the peace in the house (But what was new? The disrupting part, I mean…) and he _still_ hadn't gotten that information from Quatre for the next mission… then, he got an idea… "Hm." 

Duo glanced up at him. " 'Hm'----*hic*---what, He---*hic*---ero?"

Heero smirked. "I think I have an idea." With that, he walked out of the room to his room.

Quatre tilted his head. "I wonder what he's going to do…?"

Duo winced that the thought. "He's probably going to---*hic*--get his gun an---*hic*---d shoot them---*hic*---out."

"I wouldn't be surprised." Was all Quatre said. At that time, Heero came back in with his laptop.

Before anyone could ask, he replied, "There should be hiccup remedies on the internet. Lots of them." He sat down, opened up the laptop, and started to type. Duo walked over, the ice pack abandoned, and looked over his shoulder. "Wow, good 'ol He---*hic*---ero to the rescue! Tha---*hic*---nks, buddy."

Heero grunted. "I'm not doing this for your sake. You could have the hiccups until the day you die for all I care. I just want to go back to work on the next mission."

Duo's shoulders slumped. "Oh, I di---*hic*---dn't know you ca---*hic*---red," Duo tried to say sourly, but the hiccups prevented him from using sarcasm without it sounding right.

A beep and click came from the laptop, and Heero blinked. "….1,091 entries? Let's hope at least _one_ of them works."

Quatre started to walk over to look at the screen also. "What does the first one say?"

"Right." More typing from Heero and more beeps and clicks from the laptop (which can be very irritating at times) as he looked. "…There's a whole list here."

Duo jumped up. "We---*hic*---ll, let's try it---*hic*---out!"

Heero hesitated a moment before reading off the first one. "…Duo, do you know how to stand on your head?"

Duo then smiled proudly. "Yup, Tr---*hic*---owa taught me how la---*hic*---st week! Why?"

Heero blinked. "It says to stand on you hands and walk in a straight line for at least a minute."

Quatre cocked his head. "Are you sure? It sounds kind of…odd…for a remedy." Duo nodded in agreement.

Heero paused. "It makes sense to put pressure on the diaphragm, because that's how hiccups are created is by involuntary spasms from the diaphragm. We might as well give it a shot."

Duo jumped up, eager to show off his new skill. Quatre looked around wearily. "Fine, but… in the hallway…" he grimaced at the sight of Duo trying it in this room where the collections of fine china were held.

***

"Okay," Duo said cheerfully at the thought of getting rid of the hiccups, "here I---*hic*----go!" He then did half a somersault landed on his hands, to which he sprang up on and slowly balanced himself. "See? I told ya I could do it! This is fun! …Hey! They're gone! My hiccups are gone!" he shouted across the hall at the two pilots. And, because his ego was up and running now, he started to walk across the hall on his hands, balancing perfectly, and chattering all the way. "Ya know, Trowa taught me how to do this. Last week. It was really cool 'cause he tried to show me how to balance on a tightrope too and I was about to fall when…ack!" at this point he started to lose balance as he swerved and tried to keep stable… with no luck. HE slammed into one of the guestroom doors, yelling "itai!!" as he did, which woke up the person on the other side.

Quatre ran over. "Are you okay, Duo?" 

Duo grinned dizzily. "Yeah…I think my hiccups are gone."

***

There was a sudden slam and a yell from the other side of the door of the guestroom Wufei was staying in. His head snapped up abruptly as he muttered, "What the hell…?" and looked towards where the sound had come from. Sleepily, he got up from his position on the floor (for some odd reason, he fell asleep meditating) and opened the door to see Duo on the floor, head by the door. "…Maxwell, what are doing? It's three in the morning."

Duo grinned nervously. "Ah-heh… hi, Wuffie…uh…I was getting rid of my---*hic* Ah, hell, they're back again. Well…---*hic*---I'm _trying to_---*hic* ---get rid of my---*hic*---….my---*hic*…my…"

Wufei smirked. Oh, the possibilities. "What? Allergies? The cold? The flu? Hyperventilating?"

Duo face reddened with anger. "The…---*hic*---the hicc--*hic!*"

Wufei smiled. "Ohhhh….the hiccups." His face turned to his normal state. "That's it?"

Duo growled. " 'That's it'? _That's it???_ These damn hiccups have been haunting me all **(*censored*)** night!!!!"

Wufei didn't even wince at the volume of Duo's voice. "All I meant was it isn't worth slamming into my door at this time of night. If you wanted my help, you could have just knocked."

Wufei smiled evilly at Duo, which sent chills up and down Duo's spine. "Oh, yes… I have plenty of remedies."

*~`*~`*~`*~`*~`*~`*~`

Author's note: Hee hee… I know, I know… I'm evil. I left at a bad spot. Well, I just wanted to thank all that reviewed my story, because it really cheered me up. I was having a bad day yesterday, and this really helped! So, in return of your kindness, I write the second chapter. ^_^ I'll have chapter three up tomorrow or Tuesday, because I'm still in school until the 8th. *sighs* And then I'll be gone for the summer until the twenty somethinth, so I don't know if I'll have the whole thing up by Saturday. I'll sure try, though! Until then, Ja ne! ^_~ And thanks again for your support!


	3. Chapter 3- And it just gets worse...

Hiccups Have No Cure… ****

Hiccups Have No Cure…

__

Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing. Don't own. Geez, what does it take to get this through people's heads??? *Shoos off lawyers*

***

Duo swallowed. Hard. "Y-you have re---*hic*---medies for the---*hic*---…the---*hic*…"

Wufei looked down at the fallen pilot. "Yes, I do. I'm smarter than you think, Maxwell." He walked around Duo, who now had gotten up from his position on the floor, and joined Heero and Quatre on the other end of the hall. "Whatever you've done for 'cures' have backfired so far, am I correct?"

Quatre and Heero nodded dumbly (not literally).

Wufei began pacing again. "What stunt were you trying to pull off, almost killing yourself, Maxwell?"

Duo blinked. "Um, I was---*hic* trying to st---*hic*---and on my hands and---*hic*---walk around."

Wufei nodded thoughtfully. "Standing on your head in place would have been more effective."

Duo's eyebrows rose. "It would?"

Wufei motioned to follow him. Duo did as he was told, with the silent and cautious Quatre and Heero following behind.

***

As they got back to the large dining hall, Duo popped a question. "Wh---*hic*---at are you goi---*hic*---ng to do with me, Wu---*hic*---ffie?"

Wufei stopped and looked back. "I'm trying to find an empty room."

Duo gave half a pout. "That do---*hic*---esn't answer my que---*hic*---stion."

He ignored Duo and turned to Quatre. "Do you mind if we use this room?"

Quatre blinked. "Uh…sure…" he said quietly, wondering what he had planned and if it would effect the potted plants by the windows.

Wufei nodded in thanks and glanced at Heero. "Heero, do you mind helping me?" Heero shrugged and walked over to his side, waiting further instructions. Duo tried to back away from the two, who he registered as 'dangerous when paired up', but to no avail; Wufei had a good grip on his braid. "Get back here, Maxwell, and please keep in mind I'm not trying to beat the hell out of you for once. I'm trying to _help_ you." Duo whimpered silently to himself and trudged towards the two once more. 

Heero looked to Wufei. "So…what am I supposed to do?"

"Just bend down and grab his ankle."

Duo's eyes widened and he looked to Quatre with a 'Please for the love of God help me' look.

Heero did as he was told, and Wufei copied his actions by getting a good grip on Duo's other ankle. Duo wanted to struggle free, but decided if he did he would end up tripping over them, and that would just make him weaker. "Okay, on the count of three, we lift him up and turn him upside-down." Duo wanted to protest, but he found out quite easily that he could only hiccup in defeat. "One…two…" Duo closed his eyes. "…three"

The whole world seemed to come off its axis as Duo was turned over and hung from the two pilot's hands. As he got his consciousness back, he heard Wufei say: "This is the cure you tried before, but, of course, it didn't work. Having the blood rush to the head is also an aid in getting rid of the hiccups."

Duo's eyes opened again. "…Wufei…let me---*hic*---down…"

Wufei ignored this. "Now, we just hold him like this for about fifteen minutes, and by then…" 

"Wufei!!!" he was cut off by Duo, "Plea---*hic*---se let me---*hic*---down! It isn't working!!! _IT_---*hic*---_ISN'T WORKING!!!"_

Wufei grunted. "Fine, have it your way." Both pilots let go at the same time, and Duo dropped to the ground…*plunk*.

"Owww…." Duo tried to sit up, but a sudden headrush sent him down again.

Wufei gave what sounded like a sigh. "All right. What else do I have…"

Duo abruptly had the strength to stand up again as he backed away from the Nataku pilot. "No! No more---*hic*---cures from---*hic*---you!"

Wufei shrugged. "The next one is harmless."

Duo glared. "Why isn't---*hic*---that comforting?"

Wufei sneered back. "It's a breathing exercise thing, okay? It doesn't have anything to do with holding you upside-down or pushing you out of a window."

Duo sighed. "Fine, fine…what do you---*hic*---want me to---*hic*---do?"

"Sit down in a chair." Duo looked around in the dining hall and sat down in an empty chair. Wufei confronted him and sat down next to him. "Now…exhale. Exhale all the air you can from your lungs." Duo did as he was told. "Now, hold it…….good. Just wait until I say you can inhale, then hold it again." Duo nodded, but his face was starting to turn blue. "…A little longer…okay, 3,2,1. Inhale." Duo gasped and coughed once as he tried to inhale. "Hold it again. ……………okay, breathe out."

Duo let the air out of his lungs in one huge puff of air, and he started to breathe quickly. When he got his breath back, Duo looked up. "…Hey…it worked! It worked!!! Wuffie, you're a geni---*hic*---us. DAMN IT!" Duo pounded his fist on the table, which made Quatre jump.

Heero suddenly, out of nowhere, smirked evilly. He was on his laptop again. "I found another cure."

Everyone looked to him.

__

*~`*~`*~`*~`*~`*~`*~`

Author's note: Hi again. I got the update done in time! ^_^ Keep the reviews coming! I love 'em! Anywayz, there should be one or two chapters up by Thursday, and then I should be done with the fic. I have other ideas too, so stay tuned! (By the way, I was wondering if anyone had any cures they wanted to share. I have a lot of ideas still, thanks to research, but I thought it'd be cool if I let you send them in. My e-mail address is [chrissy_chan26@yahoo.com][1] (or, that's one of them…) So, send me some ideas! I'd love to hear from ya! Ja ne! ~^^~

   [1]: mailto:chrissy_chan26@yahoo.com



	4. Chapter 4- And it gets more complicated....

Hiccups Have No Cure… ****

Hiccups Have No Cure…

__

Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Are we really this dense to not know that I don't own Gundam Wing? *Silence in the room* ……….*sighs* Let's just get on with the fic… -_-;;

***

Duo stepped back from the soldier. "Nuh-uh. No more sup---*hic*---ossed cures! I'm sick of em'!"

Heero sighed. "Come on, you really don't trust me?"

Duo shook his head "Not with that---*hic*---sly look you have---*hic*--- on your face."

Heero's face went blank before looking to Wufei. "Hold him down."

"Right." Wufei walked over and took a hold of Duo's wrists.

Duo struggled. "Hey! What're ya---*hic*---doin'? If you're trying to scare---*hic*---me, it's working!"

Heero walked over and cracked his knuckles. "Hold still, Duo. This won't take long."

The poor braided boy's eyes widened. "Wh---*hic*---at are you doing? Don't tell me you're"

"…Going to punch you in the stomach. Exactly." Heero smirked. "It's said to work, and if it doesn't, it will probably knock you out so you won't have to worry about them at least."

"No! Anythin' but that! Last time you punched me---"

"Let's not bring that up. Wufei, hold him still."

"….*ngh!*… I can't! He's squirming around too much!"

"HELP! Pleeeeaaassseee don't let them do this to me Quatre!!!"

"Uh…I-I…"

"Quatre, can you help us hold him down?"

"I don't wanna get involved."

"_QUATRE!!!_"

"……………..Um, good morning?"

The pilots' eyes turned to the dining hall doorway, where Trowa stood with a semi-confused look on his face (you know him, without the emotion an' all. *shrugs*). "What's going on?"

Wufei and Heero let Duo go immediately and gave semi-innocent looks, while the braided one stood up and dusted his shirt. "Never---*hic*---mind this. Do you know any cures for the---*hic*---…the---*hic*---…the hic---*hic*--- ah, hell. Screw it."

"The hiccups?" Trowa helped.

"Thank you!"

A moment of silence past as he thought. "…Did you try biting a lemon?"

"Yeah."

"Standing on your hands?"

"Uh---*hic*---huh."

"Hanging from your feet? Breathing exercises?"

"Yeah! Geez, how do y---*hic*---ou know about all of this?"

"I heard everything from my room."

Quatre sighed. "Nothing has worked, as you can see. (I _still _think Ginger tea will work…)"

Duo whimpered. "Do you have any ideas, Trowa?"

"……Did you try a glass of water?" Trowa asked.

Duo blinked. "…Yeah…"

"Did you drink it from the other side of the glass?"

"….No…"

"There's your problem. It works better if you drink it from the other side of the glass. Here, follow me." With that statement, he led Duo and the others back to the kitchen.

***

"I don't really see the---*hic*---point of this anymore."

Trowa reached into the back of a cupboard to get a glass. "You want to get rid of the hiccups, right?"

Duo crossed his arms. "I---*hic*--- guess so. I mean, I _want_ to get rid of---*hic*---them, but I just can't or---*hic*---somethin."

Quatre leaned back against one of the counters. "You have to admit, we haven't been using the best remedies. Just randomly looking them up on the computer wasn't the best way to research."

Wufei gave a 'hmph'. "_My_ ideas were the best so far in my opinion."

"Yeah, turning---*hic*---someone upside-down is very---*hic*---effective in my opinion." Duo muttered under his breath before turning to Trowa, who had just set a large glass of water in front of him. "So…---*hic*---…what do I do?"

"Easy. Just put your lips to the other side of the glass, the one facing away from you, and drink from that side instead. You'll have to bend over. It usually works."

Duo sighed (a hiccup included halfway) as he took the glass and put the far side of the other rim to his lips. What was there to lose? He couldn't live with them forever. Bending over, he slowly tipped the glass to drink, and…

…A splash of cold water covered his face. He yelped at the feeling of the ice water dripping down his neck and onto his shirt. After regaining his composure and setting the glass back on the table, he glared up at Trowa. "Great. Now I have---*hic*---the hic---*hic*---…the---*hic*--- aw, hell you know what I mean, AND I have water up my nose!" Duo ignored the snickering behind him (contributed by Wufei and Heero) and sat back down at the counter.

A few moments passed by before Quatre interrupted the silence with an irritated sigh.

Duo looked up. "What's---*hic*---wrong, Quatre?"

Quatre shook his head. "Nothing, I just forgot a remedy from when I was a kid."

"What's that?" Duo inquired.

He bit his lip. "I'm not sure if it'll work…"

"Just say it," Wufei interrupted, "It's six-thirty in the morning and I've lost two hours of sleep because of stupid Maxwell getting something as simple as the hiccups which he himself can't get rid of."

Duo gave a sour look. "Quit insulting---*hic*---me! You're the one who thinks---*hic*---hanging people by their feet is an effective---*hic*---cure!"

"It _is_! You just didn't want to try it!"

__

"CAN WE GET ON WITH THE IDEA?!" Heero shouted over the argument, which made both pilots jump and sit down again.

Quatre looked a little dazed by all that had just happened. "Uh…a-anyway, as I-I was saying…" he cleared his throat, "When I was a kid, I would always use a teaspoon of sugar and swallow it down. It usually worked."

Duo's eyes lit up. "Cool! An idea---*hic*---I like!"

Heero shook his head and mumbled, "It's worth a shot" under his breath as he looked back up at the deathscythe pilot who was already scrambling around in the pantry looking for the container of sugar.

***

Author's note: *sweatdrop* Gomen nasai, I didn't finish like I promised I would before I left for vacation! I really tried, though. I'm thinking I really want to finish it now, since I now have the whole summer (new ideas should come soon…hopefully). Again, I apologize. 

I'd like to thank everyone who e-mailed me and gave me ideas, and my friends for pestering me to update. ^_~ You know who you are out there!

Anywayz, I should be done soon. Very soon. Until then, Ja ne! ~^^~


End file.
